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PeaceMeal: food for thought on biblical peacemaking


The Sweetness of Forgiveness

Corlette summarized The Four Promises of Forgiveness in a little poem for her children's curriculum, The Young Peacemaker:

Good thought,
Hurt you not.
Gossip never,
Friends forever.


Whenever I need to forgive my children for something they have done, I pull them onto my lap, put my arms around them, and remind them of the forgiveness we all have in Christ, which enables me to forgive them. Then I recite Corlette's poem to them. As I say the final words, I pull them close, give them a tight hug, and whisper "Friends forever" softly in their ears. I want them to know that no matter what they have done wrong, Jesus has opened the way for a complete restoration of our relationship ... I hope that as they experience genuine, affectionate reconciliation with me over and over again, they will come to know more fully the far better forgiveness they will always find when they run into the arms of God through prayer and faith.

Taken from  The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict
by Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 209.

Food for Thought

Have you ever been told words like these?

"Well, you know I've forgiven you. But I'll never forget the time you ..."

If so, what was your relationship like afterwards? Was trust restored? Did you feel the warmth and intimacy of true friendship and a restored relationship? Probably not.

Why is such false forgiveness so incredibly unsatisfying? It is because this is not forgiveness modeled on the forgiveness we receive from God in Christ.

When someone claims to forgive you, but continues to remind you of your wrong over and over again, it is easy to feel ongoing guilt and shame. This is in contrast to the happiness--blessedness--and freedom we have knowing that when God forgives us, he removes our sin "as far as the east is from the west." (Psalm 103:12)

If the person you wronged constantly brings up your past offense and keeps you at a "distance," it is incredibly hard to relax and be yourself around that person because of the sense of ultimate rejection. Compare that to the sweetness of our loving relationship with "Abba Father" who grants us the gift of repentance and then runs to his prodigal children to lavish forgiveness on us and restore us into his family.

So what are we called to do? First of all, we worship God and thank him for his amazing forgiveness. Secondly, we pray for the grace to never say such harmful and unforgiving words to anyone ourselves. And lastly, we are called to persevere in relationship with someone who claims to "forgive" us, but who consistently brings up our past offense, tells others about it, and keeps us at arms-length. We look for opportunities to bless them, share Christ with them, and prayerfully strive to help deliver them from their bitterness and unforgiveness towards us.

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